I'm ridiculously in love with my teacher. Well, not in love, but I do have a huge crush on him and I can't help it. I'm trying to tell myself that it's just one of those crushes everyone has at least once during their 12 years in school, but it doesn't help. Even though I like Etti and so on, I can't help longing for T.
All I'm wishing for is that we're going to meet at a bar or something after I've finished high school, haha. It's not even just that he's good looking; he's smart, charming and has humour as well. And isn't it extremely attractive to be into politics and social studies? He has so much of my respect along with a few other teachers since he's so proficient and educative.
It's been almost a week but I'm still so full of remorse for skipping the field day last Tuesday. I just really didn't feel like hiking for 11km with a group of people I don't even know, so my mum called in sick. The next day, T approached me and asked me why I hadn't been in his group the day before and when I tried to laugh it off with "I was ill ..." he just said "bullshit" and walked away. That took really hard on me, for some reason. Maybe it's facing that I missed spending a whole day with him (making the field day a little more bareable), maybe it's disappointing someone that you look up to. I've tried persuading myself that there is nothing, absolutely nothing I can do to make it better - saying sorry, who would I apologise to? Turning back time isn't even possible.
There's literally nothing I can do to change the fact that I cut class (for like the first time in my whole life) for one day, but still I feel really bad about it and I can't stop thinking about it. I couldn't even know T was the one to lead "my" group - I checked the list yesterday and it said a completely different teacher. WHY CAN'T I JUST LET IT GO.
Let's just hope that fate brings us together later on, or at least that I get to meet someone like him later on in my life. Tattoos, intelligence and pedagogy are things to look for, I tell ya.
This text is going to be extremely embarassing to read in a few years, or even months, when my crush is gone. Because it will go away, I know that. This is nothing else but a ridiculous high school crush on someone I look up to. It will pass, but until then I can't do anything else but hope for him to take our history class and hopefully the etichs class I finally chose as my extended course.
Oh well, the teenage heart needs some aching, I guess.
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